Recognizing the Need for Change

I feel that in order for me to feel optimal health, I need to prioritize my mental and physical health. My mental health has been something I've struggled with since high school after I took on a great deal of responsibilities, struggled to find where I fit in, and tried to hide my depression by adding more to my plate. Personally, I did not have a great high school experience because of the decline in my mental health, but I know that I do not want to carry that same experience into college since our college experience is already limited as it is. My physical health is also something I really need to improve. In high school, I was able to get in most of my physical activity through volleyball and junior year I even decided to do play club volleyball and do track & field at the same time. However, during off seasons I rarely engaged in any physical activities. Then when COVID hit the states, I definitely lost all motivation to be active and just spent most days in bed watching Netflix all day, which I feel also contributed to the decline in my mental health. I want to be able to feel my optimal health and I recognize that there needs to be adjustments and changes in my attitude, my mindset, and my daily schedule in order for me to feel my best.

An area I need to work on in order to improve my mental health is being more social. My social anxiety was a big factor in why I struggled to find where I fit in and even to ask for help when I was battling depression. To this day, my social anxiety continues to haunt me. I know that during these troubling times, staying in touch with friends and family is crucial but truthfully, I've found talking to people to be completely draining. I have gotten in the habit of not talking to people that now I can barely hold a conversation with anyone who texts me. It sucks, because I want to develop relationships with people but it feels like I don't know how to do that anymore. Sometimes, I feel like what hinders me from making friends is the fear of being judged and the fact that I've developed trust issues. In my past friendships, I've made myself vulnerable over and over again and all I got for it I was judgement and abandonment. For those reasons, I've stopped making an effort to make friends and open up to family and friends when I need help. I'm not sure how to work on my social anxiety, but I feel that I need to start with changing my attitude. I need to be optimistic about this process and not carry my past relationship experiences into future ones. Journaling would be a good place to start. I feel like there are still some things I need to understand about myself before I try to be social. If I'm able to just journal a few positive things about myself everyday I will be able to develop a positive attitude over time. 

Self-doubt and confidence are other areas I need to work on in order to improve my mental health. I feel like many times, I am my biggest enemy. There have been instances where I've talked myself out of doing thing that would have been great to experience because I felt like I wasn't good enough or capable enough.  As a teen/ young adults I've always felt the pressure from society to also look a certain way and act a certain way in order to feel accepted and in the midst of doing, I've lost sight of who I am and my confidence. I believe that the most important change I need to make is to first learn a growth mindset. Instead of doubting myself, I need to remind myself that whether I'm capable or not, I won't be able to realize my potential unless I try, and if I fail then at least I'll still be learning from the experience. Having a growth mindset will also help me with my confidence, because instead of comparing myself to others, I would be comparing my present self to my past self and recognize my growth. Journaling could also be a great start to help with my self-doubt and confidence. I think I just need a journal where I just write about all the positive things in my life and ways I can improve my mindset.

Truthfully, I love being active but lately I have found it hard to be or stay active because I'm either making excuses or I struggle to find the motivation to get up and exercise. I remember that I felt the best about myself during the times I played volleyball. Even while battling depression, whenever I was able to step onto the court and just play the game I was passionate about, it gave me the ability to escape my negative thoughts for just a few hours; it always felt like a breath of fresh air. Though I don't play volleyball anymore, I believe that if I'm able to incorporate about 30 mins of exercise into my schedule, I will be able to feel optimal health. Since it will be my first time in a while exercising again, I will start off with light workouts until I feel like the workouts are getting too easy for me. Then I will include increase reps and maybe add new workouts. I will also make sure not to burn myself out so early on in the process so I will start off with working out two days a week and progress to every other day and then hopefully I'll be able to work out every weekday and then rest on weekends. Working out for 30 mins in the morning will not only benefit my health but also my schoolwork and sleep schedule. There have been studies that proved exercise improves concentration and motivation, and as someone who has a short attention span during homework and studies, I feel that exercising will be very effective on my schoolwork.  Making exercise part of my schedule will also motivate me to fall asleep earlier so that I'll have enough energy to get up and work out. In order to follow through with this plan I will need to keep reminding myself of the benefits I will be getting out it and how good I'll begin to feel about myself again. 

In my previous attempts to make changes, I was never successful because I was motivated by the wrong things; instead of wanting it for myself, I tried to make changes in order to fit in with society. I feel like these changes will be different because I actually want to feel optimal health and I'm tired of living life on a repeat of unhealthy habits.